Joke

[amagic]

"Barber, how much do you want for a haircut?"
"25 dollars, sir."
"And what about a shave?"
"That'll be 10 dollars."
"OK, shave my head!"

[amagic]

"Do please forgive my friend's behavior.
His wife left him last week.."

"Oh, I am sorry to hear that..."

"...and today she came back again!"

[amagic]

"Waiter, is that your handkerchief you're using to hold my soup bowl?"
"Yes, but not to worry, sir. It needed washing anyway."

[amagic]

"Waiter, what is this I'm eating?"
"It's bean soup, sir!"
"I don't want to know what it's been, I want to know what it is!"

[amagic]

Wasn't sure where to head for on vacation, so I asked a pal of mine. "You should go to Cape Cod," he suggested, "Cape Cod's great for rheumatism."
So I went there
— and I caught it!

[amagic]

"So what did you get your mother-in-law for Christmas?"
"A new chair — but I'm still waiting for her to plug it in."

[amagic]

As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g.,
"Steady as she goes", or "She's listing to starboard, Captain!"). Recently, a
group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should also be
referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion follow:
Five reasons to believe computers are female:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If
you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".
4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later
retrieval.
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your paycheck on accessories for it.

However, another group of computer scientists (all female) think that
computers should be referred to as if they were male.

Their reasons follow:
Five reasons to believe computers are male:
1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they
are the problem.
3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a
little longer, you could have obtained a better model.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.

[bingopokermaniac]

hahaha i love that last one =P

[amagic]

An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber.

The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better."

Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge.

The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level, however.

Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? What did you do?"

"We just shut down two engines."