It's Serious!

[eberetta1]

A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar
voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.

'We need a fourth for poker,' said the friend.

'I'll be right over,' whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked,
'Is it serious?'

'Oh yes, quite serious,' said the doctor gravely.
'In fact, there are three doctors there already!'

[eberetta1]

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a
large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage
that said $50.00.

"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell
you first that this bird used to live in a house of
prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have
the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's
cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,
"New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then
thought "that's really not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the
bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then
began to laugh about the situation considering how and
where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from
another monthly poker tournament held in Las Vegas.
The bird looked at him and said, "Hiiiiiiiii, Keith."

[eberetta1]

Ole' Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota,
takes a lightning-quick kick from a cow right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.

As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.
He said 'How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next
veek and my fiance, Lena, is still a Virgin - in every vay'.

The doctor told him, 'I'll have to put your willy in a splint
to let it heal, and keep it straight. It should be okay
next week".

He took four tongue depressors, and formed a neat little
4 sided splint, and taped it all together. Quite an
impressive work of art.

Ole mentions none of this to Lena, marries her, and they
go on their honeymoon to Duluth.

That night in the motel room, Lena rips open her blouse
to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts.

She said, 'You're the first vun. No vun has EVER seen deez.'
Ole immediately drops his pants and replies, 'And look
at dis, .....still in DA CRATE.

[kingjames07]

LOL...that's funny

[PLAYFUL1]

BOTH OLDIES BUTT GOODIES ... WHAT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SNOWMEN AND SNOE WOMEN? ...
ANSWER= SNOWBALLZ

[rgchan]

"Still in da crate " Thats funny. Did the joke come with Duluth and Minnesota .. lol
Rg

[eberetta1]

A farmer decided he wanted to go to town and see a movie.

The ticket agent at the movie theater asked the farmer,
"sir, what's that on your shoulder?"

the old farmer said, "that's my pet rooster chuck.
Wherever i go, chuck goes."

"i'm sorry sir," said the ticket agent. "we can't
allow animals in the theater."

the old farmer went around the corner and stuffed
chuck down his overalls. Then he returned to the booth,
bought a ticket, and entered the theater.

He sat down next to two old widows named mildred and marge.

The movie started and the rooster began to squirm.
The old farmer unbuttoned his fly so chuck could stick
his head out and watch the movie.

"marge," whispered mildred.

"what?" said marge.

"i think the guy next to me is a pervert." whispered mildred.

"what makes you think so?" asked marge?

"he undid his pants and he has his thing out", whispered
mildred.

"well, don't worry about it", said marge.. "at our age
we've seen 'em all."

"i thought so too", said mildred, "but this one's eatin' my popcorn!"

[eberetta1]

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer
says,' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer, I had it on cruise
control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says:
'Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car
doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks
over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep
your mouth shut for once !! ?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'Well dear you
should be thankful your radar detector went off when
it did or your speed would have been higher.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the
illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his
wife and says through clenched teeth, 'Woman, can't
you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're
not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic
$75 fine.,.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see, officer, I
had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over
so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you
didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat
belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket,
the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU
PLEASE SHUT UP??'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does
your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'

She replies, 'Only when he's been drinking.!!!'

[eberetta1]

One day a housework-challenged husband
decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room,
he shouted, 'What setting do I use on the
washing machine?'
'It depends,' his wife replies.
'What does it say on your shirt?'
Husband yells back, ' GO GATORS! '
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------- -------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am
going to make you the happiest woman in the world...'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you.......
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------- --------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,'
Jack says as he stepped out of the shower.
'Honey, what do you think the
neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably married you for your money,' she replied.
------------ --------- --------- --------- ----
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good
looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
------------ --------- --------- --------- ----
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
and Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q: What do you
call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
------------ --------- --------- --------- -----------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping
for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
------------ --------- --------- --------- -----------
Q: Why do men whistle when they
are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end to wipe...
------------ --------- --------- --------- ----
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals

[tking888]

very funny.