jokes

[terrpuss]

Q: whats the hardest thing about rollerblading?

A: telling your parents that you are gay.

[terrpuss]

i was on the toilet for so long the other day, i finally said to myself, im getting too old for this shit.

[terrpuss]

a farmer is arrested for having sex with one of his cows.
during the arraignment, the judge looks at him with and asks,
"son, what the hell were you thinking?"
"well," says the farmer, "i reckon i was thinking about a younger, hotter cow."

[terrpuss]

"can you believe my stupid husband wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker?" a housewife tells her neighbor.
"what are you going to do?" asks the neighbor.
"the first thing i need to do is tell my husband the rent is paid up for six months."

[terrpuss]

Q : whats the difference between a pro poker player and a large pizza?

A : a large pie can feed a family of four.

[terrpuss]

a man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "jennifer, pack your things. i just won the world series of poker."
"should i pack for warm weather or cold?" she asks.
"i dont care," he says. "just as long as you're out of the house by noon."

[kingjames07]

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.'
He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.
The next week, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row.
The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'
The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything.
She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98.
The Hilton charges $139.
We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare.

[kingjames07]

I am a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I have been happily dating for over a year - and so we've decided to take the next step and get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It is her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law is twenty-two, wears very tight miniskirts, and generally goes braless. She regularly bends down when she's near me. The view is always compelling . I'm thinking it has to be deliberate because she never does it when she's near anyone else.

One day 'little' sister calls and asks me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She's all alone when I arrive and whispers she has feelings and desires for me she can no longer overcome. She tells me she wants me just once be fore I get married and commit my life to her sister.

Well, I'm in total shock and can't say a word. Then she says, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom. If you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.


I am, needless to say, stunned and frozen in shock as I watch that wholesome hardbody climb the stairs.

I stand there for a moment, then turn and make a beeline straight to the front door. I open the door and head straight for my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family is standing outside, all clapping!


With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugs me and says, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

[luzipher]

Jacks, I knew it, but always is good read it in another language.

[kingjames07]

Jacks, I knew it, but always is good read it in another language.

i don't see a post in another language from jacks.....lol