Joke of the day

[Graver69]

**An Amish farmer, walking through his field, notices a man kneeling down and drinking from his farm pond.****

**The Amish farmer shouts:****



**'Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen.' (Which means: ****
**'Don't drink the water, the pigs always shit in it.')**

**The kneeling man shouts back:****

**'I'm a Muslim, I don't understand you. I speak Arabic and English. If you ****
**can't speak in the sacred tongue of Islam, speak in**
**English.'****

**
**The Amish farmer says: 'Use two hands, you'll get more.' ****

[Graver69]

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married....

The other night I was invited out for a night with the "girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him "MIDNIGHT"... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. …….. Whew, I got away with that one!

Then he said "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times then said "oh shit." Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

[Graver69]

**One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly**
**remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.**

**He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the**
**sales person, "How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?"**

**The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean, Sir?**

**We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach**
**Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95,**
**Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie**
**for $265.95".**

**The amazed father asks: "It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and**
**the others only $19.95?"**

**The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir...,**

**Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's**
**Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made**
**with Ken's balls.****

[Graver69]

The Polite Way to Pee

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good
manners, asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner wit h a nice young lady,
how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"

Sherman said: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroo m
at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us
your good manners?"

Johnny said "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a
moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I
hope to introduce you to after dinner."

The teacher fainted.

[genius81]

**An Amish farmer, walking through his field, notices a man kneeling down and drinking from his farm pond.****

**The Amish farmer shouts:****



**'Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen.' (Which means: ****
**'Don't drink the water, the pigs always shit in it.')**

**The kneeling man shouts back:****

**'I'm a Muslim, I don't understand you. I speak Arabic and English. If you ****
**can't speak in the sacred tongue of Islam, speak in**
**English.'****

**
**The Amish farmer says: 'Use two hands, you'll get more.' ****

LOLLOLOLOL funny

[Killermanner]

Haha, mate some nice jokes. Thanks for sharing them and feel free to bring more here