one more joke for all

[timotee1]

Wicked...I dont have a clue...lol

[wixx]

I like the older jokes in this thread...most of the recent ones I have heard, but keep posting, a good laugh makes the donk calls easier to take.

[wicked663]

Ok...You have prob heard this one too but maybe not.

WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK



I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of green leaf lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. package of bacon.

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."


I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the drunk's intuition, since I was indeed single woman.



I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.



Curiosity getting the better of me, I said to the drunk, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"















The drunk replied, " 'Cause your ugly!!!"

[wicked663]

Two aliens landed in theArizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.'



The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.



The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.



The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'



The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.



Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!'



The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that! I really don't think you should make him mad.'



'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.



Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.



'What a ferocious creature!', exclaimed the young fried alien. 'He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'



The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.




Wise words!!!

[wicked663]

Dispute Between Neighbors - this is a true story...

A city councilman in Utah , Mark Easton, had a beautiful view of the east mountains, until a new neighbor purchased the lot below his house and built a new home.

The new home was 18 inches higher than the ordinances would allow, so Mark Easton, mad about his lost view, went to the city to make sure they enforced the lower roof line ordinance.

The new neighbor had to drop the roof line, at great expense.

Recently, Mark Easton called the city, and informed them that his new neighbor had installed some vents on the side of his home.

Mark didn't like the look of these vents and asked the city to investigate.

When they went to Mark's home to see what the vents looked like, this is what they found...

< BR>

[snowfish]

Hey Wicked is there something missing ... or I just do not get it?

[TonAtey]

Very amusing all. Heard a couple of them before, but some new ones there too. Funny!

[ggggg105]

Thanks for the laugh.......jiff570

[JAYCISM]

how do you circumsize a redneck.
you kick his sister in the chin.

[JAYCISM]

if you have 15 cars that dont run and a house that does, you might be a redneck.