You Donkey!
I might have posted this years ago, but I updated it and present it anew, cause I do think you All are Donkeys!
THE CHASING DONKEY: never gets out of any draw.
THE LOOSE DONKEY: lord knows what they are playing or why.
SUB_SPECIES: THE TIGHT DONKEY: waits till short stacked, then goes all in with zip.
THE GREEN LIGHT AT INDY DONKEY: They know about position, only time they bet.
THE BLUFF DONKEY: Watches way to much TV poker. When their bluff works they usually always morph into a TALKING DONKEY, to let you know they "took you down".
THE ALL-IN DONKEY: They keep track of how many times they double up in a row
SUB-SPECIES: THE RHYTHMIC ALL-IN DONKEY: This breed will go all in for 3 to four hands, then play normal and wait 3 or 4 hands, then go back to all-in for 3 or 4 hands.
THE STEAMED DONKEY: just lost 1/4 of stack, then morphs into THE LOOSE DONKEY.
SUB-SPECIES: THE VENGEFUL DONKEY: bets only against player that took the 1/4.
THE CALLING DONKEY: You bet, they call.
SUB-SPECIES: THE STUBBORN DONKEY: You really raise big/all in, they call.
SUB-SPECIES: THE COP DONKEY: Will call, if their cards are blank, just to make sure you are not bluffing.
SUB_SPECIES: THE SHOW ME DONKEY: Will call, because they have bottom pair.
THE TALKING DONKEY: tells you their views and odd opinions about your poker play.
SUB-SPECIES: THE HOT HEADED DONKEY: Cant believe you made that call (after you have been playing with them for more than 10 minutes). Then will call you the donkey of all donkeys and question your questionable call.
SUB-SPECIES: THE CURSING DONKEY: You *(^$@# and your &^)(*_ &* flying ^%$ %^**)_lover of ( (+)(*()*^% I don't care you ^$%%#.
SUB-SPECIES: THE OBSERVER DONKEY: After losing all their chips, they like to hang around the chat window and make very donkey comments about the play of the person that took them out.
SUB-SPECIES: THE DOES NOTHING OBSERVER DONKEY: Will check and fold the entire game, never bets, and rarely calls. Some say that this is actually a PRE-DONKEY, but most agree it is a DONKEY, albeit quite new to poker and donkyness.
SUB-SPECIES: THE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE BIG BLIND DONKEY: You will be in the big blind, with 8 2, it is checked to you. flop comes 8 2 2. the donkey will go all in with his pocket A 2. everyone will fold to you. you call the donkey. you win the pot. this type of donkey will instantly say "I can't believe you played an 8 2" and then top it off by calling you a donkey.
SUB-SPECIES: THE TAUNTING DONKEY: Has considerable poker knowledge, and likes to let you know about it by mocking your play with excessive sarcasm.
SUB-SPECIES: THE GOOD BUDDIES DONKEYS: This is 2 or more donkeys on the same table that are buddies. They delight in tag-teaming other players with their "wit" and name calling.
SUB-SPECIES OF A SUB-SPECIES: THE CHEATING DONKEYS: These donkeys, to lazy to learn poker, team up by using IM services like Yahoo Messenger, Skype, etc., to let each other know what their hole cards are when they are on the same table.
THE SEXY GOLD DIGGING DONKEY: One of the most successful donkey breeds around. Always has a flirtatious screen name, sometimes uploads brazenly titillating sexual images as their avatar, and on sites that use preset female avatars, chooses the ones with the largest breasts. Strongly related to the TALKING DONKEY, but only "chats" in a sexy, smoldering, and teasing manner. This of course completely mesmerizes many seasoned players who promptly soft play, fold, and most remarkably, even "give" chips to this donkey.
SUB-SPECIES: THE PRO ACTING LIKE A SEXY GOLD DIGGING DONKEY: While most definitely NOT a donkey, they definitely are SHARKS IN DONKEY CLOTHING. Faster that you can type "where you from honey" in the chat window, they will take your whole stack. Extremely dangerous.
THE LATE FOR THE GAME DONKEY : Is only found at the beginning of a tournament. And most likely a freeroll. This breed, really likes for you to watch the seconds and depending on the site, minutes tick down when the action is to them. Is is because they simply are not there. Now how long before they belatedly realize that the "games on" is really any one's guess. You will eventually see them suddenly start playing, at which point they morph into one of previously mentioned donkey species, with occasional excessive use of time clock episodes. Some will use the full time available on EVERY hand.
SUB SPECIES: THE GHOST DONKEY: Just like the late for the game donkey, but with the distinction of only braying their donkeyness by registering for a tournament that they have no intention of ever playing. On rare occasions they will show up very late in a game. This can really spook some players, as they were sure the donkeys were long gone.
THE PLAYS FAIRLY WELL AT ANY FREEROLL EXCEPT FOR THEIR FORUMS FREEROLL DONKEY: This donkey, plays with wild abandon in freerolls, kicking their hoofs with glee as they take down massive pots with low pair on a board rich with flush and straight possibilities. This donkey even has a poker trophy or two in their virtual poker showcase to brag about. But when it comes to FORUM freerolls (and occasional buy-ins) this type of donkey elicits sheer poker "head-shaking" on the part of other forum members who sadly watch this donkeys poor play. Of course, this type of donkey can be helped by forum members soft playing and yes,... folding to this donkeys bluffs, because they "like him".THE ROMANIAN DONKEY: Usually present in large herds. they act in unison to tilt you with nonsense all ins then send the Uber-Romanian donkey in to kill you.
THE PROFESSIONAL DONKEY: A winning poker player that bemoans the other donkeys.
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DarkKnights 2010 
Originally Posted by Tomturkey46
